This story is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent!

Back in the early part of 1970 I purchased my first brand new car. It was a 1970 Chrysler Station Wagon that every one in the family was proud of. I rarely parked it in the garage unless a snow storm was predicted. Well this one day I did have it parked in the garage and I backed it out of the garage, clearing the doors. I decided not to back all the way down our driveway because it was difficult -- toys, dog, children etc., and I cut the wheels bringing the car onto the rear lawn, which I am usually not able to do because the 24' pool was always there. But this day something happened which was very unusual for a new car.

When I backed up enough to be able to cut the wheels to the right I shifted to drive and the car would not move. I shifted to reverse, and the same thing happened, no movement. I thought the worst, that the transmission was not working. So I got out of the car to investigate the situation and noticed that the rear left wheel was a little lower in the grass then the right wheel. By then all the children were gathering around me and the car and I asked for and received a good flash light. It was at this time that I saw the circular hole opened up that covered a large abandoned cesspool tank.

The cesspool was never filled in when City sewer was added 40 years earlier. The cesspool tank broadened as it went down about 15 feet and could have swallowed up a small car. I was not about to pay for 100's of yards of sand and decided to find a replacement septic tank cover. I tried everywhere in the yellow pages and was always refered to Suffolk County for help, as Rockville Center hasn't had septic tanks for over 40 years. It was during this rejection period that one of the boys, possibly Glen or Keith said, "why don"t you call up Uncle Johnny as he has every thing?" Well I did call up uncle Johnny and he did have a cesspool cover. I'd just have to come over and pick it up.

Easier said then done, as I had to get the car wheel out of the hole! Calling on my vast storehouse of knowledge I came up with the idea of jacking up the rear end and sliding a heavy construction type plank under the wheel, covering the hole where the tire was, and then let the car down off the jack and hope that the plank would hold the car up. It did, and I drove over to Uncle Johnny's house and picked up the cess pool cover, which was left in his garage by the former owners who used it in heating ceramics.

We drove home and placed the cover on the hole and it fit. Lesson learned: "when in trouble call Uncle John!" Good work Uncle John.

How do you fall off a stair stepper, and relate it to the septic tank cover story?

I have been inactive for the last few weeks, not leaving the house and failing to work out on any of my machines. But today I made up my mind that I needed some exercise, and was determined to workout before breakfast. I started with the stair stepper, on which I usually do ten minutes, but because of my absence I was only going to do five minutes. With four minutes on the timer I decided to quit, as my left leg felt weak.

As normal I get off the stepper with my left leg down and my right leg, which is stronger, up and then place the right leg on the floor with little or no weight on the left foot. At this point my left leg collapses and I move my right leg back onto the stepper to take the pressure off of my left leg. I miss the step, and my right foot slides into the configuration of pipes that make the machine work and now becomes jammed, as I lose complete control of the left leg, sliding my butt down to rest on the right step. This is only for a moment as the weight of my upper body with no leg support starts sliding down from the right step it was resting on.

At this point I called out to Joan with a loud, "HELP, I'M HAVING AN ACCIDENT!" Joan comes running into the family room and sees my right leg jammed in the pipes and my left leg useless as it was folded back as far as it could go. The first thing Joan did was to pull my body back up to rest on the right peddle using my belt in the back as we were told to do in my rehabilitation, and it worked. Now all we had to do was extricate my legs one at a time from the position they were jammed in and the only way that could be done was to bend them some more to release them -- first the right leg. When that was released my upper body went down on the cushions that Joan had placed there for me. Then Joan managed to remove the left leg out from its cramped position. I now am lying on my back, with both injured legs stretched out between the pipes of the stepper facing the outside wall of the house.

After this was accomplished Joan decided that if my legs were swung around facing the front of the house, that she would be able to slide me across the wooden floors with ease, to the couch. (Joan had just seen the picture "The Trouble With Harry" last night)! She did pull me on my back across the floor using my socks and shoes for a grip. I am now in a horizontal position catching my breath and thinking of how I am going to get up on the couch. During that period of time I thought of Uncle John with the septic tank cover, and how I managed to get the Chrysler out of the hole. I now decide to have Joan place a pillow under my bottom, as I raise it with my arms resting on the couch. Being frustrated at this we called Kevin for help but he was on the road. I asked to be pulled up into a sitting position resting against the couch. Then we went to remove the pillows on the couch to lower it and place a smaller thick pillow under my bottom so that I would be elevated above the floor a few more inches, (septic tank idea).

With a good degree of manuerving, Joan pulling me up by the belt and me pushing myself up with outstretched arms braced on the couch frame, "Ureka, we did it!" And it just took only one hour and forty five minutes of stress on Joan and I. Lesson learned: do not avoid your workouts, and ride the Schwinn Exercycle. First loosen up, then stretch your muscles, and always have "JOAN" nearby.